Couple of weeks ago I got overflown with the blast of cuteness from an amazing Russian artist (Santani) who I found from someone else's shared post. This girl is making amazing soft toys with use of faux fur and polymer clay and so I completely fell in love with what she is doing. In the meantime I was entering 2014 with a lot of hopes for a change, better times, some new dreams and total remodelling of my own website and my blog.
You all know me as a cute Aniko who makes cute tutorials, calls her followers "Honey Bunnies", likes to paint in watercolour and draw doodle drawings, likes to decorate her room, grows a mini garden of pretty flowers on her windowsill and has the most adorable cute little dog Milo. I love seaside, pastel tones, all sorts of handmade stuff, shabby chic and vintage styles, tea candles and feather earrings in bright colours. And so all of my life rotates around flowery patterns, little creatures and birdies and only these things are truly making me happy and excited, make me feel more like myself.
But… because I like challenging myself and put myself out of my comfort zone, I recently caught myself thinking that for the past half of a year all I did was working in photography studio and as for creative part of my life I was doing some absolutely random custom orders, which were mostly made from black clay, were dark or contained elements I don't like making, like human beings or architecture or perspectives. I know I can do it, I know I can do it good because during my creative education I managed to develop quite widely to different directions. But sadly these different directions so much liked by majority of my latest clients are taking me quite far away from things that truly make me happy.
I am a Mandarin duck with a very very kind heart. And I always know who I am, but life throws me to different directions from time to time and makes me stay here and there for a while.. and makes me forget for some time who I am.
This may sound quite weird that I saw these toys and then completely changed what I am doing now in my life as it is not entirely true. I will always remain myself, as a polymer clay artist, the girl who does creative stuff, makes video tutorials and even journals and figurines from time to time. But mostly I will just shred some layers of darkness and dust that made my bright feathers become quite dull. It may not show on the outside and perhaps nobody even had noticed the change, but in my heart every day I was and still do quite strongly suffer from the difference in what I truly want and what I have to do.
And so 2014 became a beginning, a sort of kick for my big change and some circumstances followed in my personal life and my family really inspired and encouraged me.
As you all know, when I turned 28, I became a vegetarian. For 2 months now I am not eating meat completely and am only consuming fish products from time to time, but I am not eating any mammals at all. This was a great big step in my life and I am feeling better in all aspects, especially knowing that I don't have to kill a life being to satisfy my starvation. Sooner or later even fish will be in the past, but as fisherman's daughter, unfortunately, I found myself being used to fish too much. But I am fighting with this too. Fish is alive creature and does not deserve me eating it :) Not even in a fish finger form :)
Another change that happened was my discovery of Vedas. This knowledge triggered me to become a vegetarian as well as made me understand a lot about humans and family relationship, love, partners, care about our planet, birds and animals, plants and trees and of ofcourse friendship. It also made me realise how wonderful and fair this universe is and, what was the most pleasant, my study satisfied my hunger for ancient secrets I always wanted to know but couldn't get a source and an answer to some of my questions. I won't go too much into it. Those who are interested can find a lot of information online or libraries and those who are not are already looking at me with suspicion. So enough about that.
Mostly I am changing for good, I feel this new stream, this new branch growing on the tree of my life and the whole tree with all the roots is becoming more stable, strong, green and fresh. I feel that the core me is becoming stronger, I feel healthier and kinder. I lost my "feeling sorry for myself" feeling, envy for more lucky ones, a need to become like somebody else.
I will always want to have a house with a garden by the sea, children, fascinating career and all the money I could desire. But one thing had changed - attitude. I don't feel desperate anymore. I did let it all go. I told myself that perhaps I am not destined to live in my own house, I am not destined to be rich or not destined to move out from the rented crowded house we are living in… I accepted my current circumstances… and you know… as soon as I did it, it felt like a huge mountain fell of my shoulders.
I don't care anymore. I am feeling content where I am now. I don't hate this house, I don't hate my financial situation or this country. I am feeling good.
And so now the main part. What in all this for you?
Well you will only get the benefits ^^. If I feel good, I can give more, teach more, share more and surprise more. So this needs to be a positive change for all of us in a way.
Thank you very much for reading this post. It is so important for me that I have my followers, people who sometimes write to me and say that my art changed their life (it happened couple of times).. people that say that I make them smile every day, people that say I helped them find themselves and develop their artistic skills and many other wonderful people. Without you, my sweet honey bunnies, all my journey would be just a life of a regular female, perhaps a mother and later on perhaps a granny. But it would be nowhere near as exciting as you make it be. I am truly grateful for everything you give me and now, more than ever, I am ready to give back.
I LOVE YOU!